


what grows inside might just kill me

by bowlingfornerds



Series: tumblr prompts [15]
Category: The 100
Genre: Alternate Universe - Hospital, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Cancer, M/M, Sorry it just happened, Tumour, dying
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-19
Updated: 2015-10-19
Packaged: 2018-04-27 03:53:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 793
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5032726
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bowlingfornerds/pseuds/bowlingfornerds
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>From the prompt by okteviakomskaikru on tumblr: Jonty + "I've made my peace. Please can you just hold me?" :)</p><p>Monty's sick and Jasper doesn't like that.</p>
            </blockquote>





	what grows inside might just kill me

**Author's Note:**

> Angst, fuck it.
> 
> Thank you okteviakomskaikru for the prompt, and thank you for reading this angsty little fic.
> 
> Enjoy.

“I’m sorry,” Dr Abby Griffin nodded once before leaving her office. In the chairs opposite her desk, Monty and Jasper sat, motionless, staring at the space she’d just been in. Jasper felt his knees trembling and the tears prick at the skin around his eyes. His knuckles turned white as he gripped the arms of the chair, and slowly he turned his head to Monty.

“Monty,” he rasped, and his boyfriend’s head turned to him. Jasper could only imagine how distraught he looked right now; but he could bet that his fear was reflected in Monty’s eyes.

“Jasper,” Monty replied. He started crying first, and Jasper immediately scraped his chair towards him, wrapping him in his arms and holding him tightly to his body. Jasper couldn’t help but let the tears escape as his boyfriend shook under his touch.

“We’re going to be okay,” Jasper whispered. “We are.” Monty pulled back, then, shaking his head.

“Jas, I’ve known about this for a long time – longer than we’ve been together-“

“We’ve been together all our lives,” Jasper interrupted, not wanting to hear the end of Monty’s sentence.

“I meant, _together_ ,” Monty huffed. “The tumour’s been there for a long time – I’ve always known it was going to get to this point.”

“It’s not gotten to this point,” Jasper replied indignantly. “Didn’t you hear Clarke’s Mum? There are still options.” Monty rolled his eyes, swiping harshly at his cheeks.

“There are still _shots in the dark_ ,” he retorted. “Not options, not anything that’s going to save me.”

“We could still try them,” Jasper insisted.

“I don’t _want_ to try them,” Monty replied. Jasper went silent then, staring at his boyfriend in shock. Neither of them said anything for a moment, as Jasper tried to process his words. Monty didn’t want to get the treatment and live. He didn’t want the chance at his life; the rest of his damn life.

“You don’t want to keep living?” Jasper asked, so low Monty could barely hear it.

“That’s not what I meant,” he sighed.

“Then what did you mean?” Jasper’s voice was now loud; so much louder than it should have been. The tears he cried were filled with anger; it scratched his throat and made him see dots, but he kept going anyway. “You mean you don’t want to live out your life with me? You mean you don’t want that fucking engagement ring that I’ve been saving up for, for – for God knows how long- _Monty_! What about our futures? You don’t get to decide that!”

“Actually, I do!” Monty replied, his voice harsh and his eyes full of rage. “It’s _my_ life, Jasper. _My_ tumour. _My_ cancer.” They were quiet for a moment, Jasper rubbing the balls of his hands into his eyes until circles of light danced before his eyes. They were standing, the chairs in between them and at some point they’d leaped up.

“I want that life,” Monty told him eventually. “I want the house and the kids and that dog that you stare at every time we visit Harper at the animal shelter – I want that, Jas.” Jasper swallowed, the sincerity in Monty’s voice enveloping him, trying to smooth off the ragged edges from Jasper’s thoughts.

“But you don’t,” Jasper replied helplessly. “If you did you would try the treatments.”

“No.” His voice was firm now and Jasper watched Monty’s face contort into something that seemed more grown up than he’d noticed before. “I’m sick of the treatments – I hate being a human pincushion and Jas – I’m not getting any better. I’ve spent the last few years trying the experimental procedures _– it could kill you or it could make you twelve percent better_.” He sighed. “I don’t want to die and I don’t want to leave you – but that’s the way it’s heading.” Jasper nodded, swallowing.

He got it (mostly). Monty had been fighting this for too long and too many years. His hair was shorter than Jasper had seen it since they were twelve; the chemo had gone through him and nothing had changed. Every time a new treatment popped up, Monty’s name was on the list – but it wasn’t enough.

“I just love you,” Jasper whispered. “I don’t want to be without you.” Monty nodded, taking his seat in his chair once more. Jasper sat down beside him.

“I’ve made my peace,” Monty replied resolutely. He’d had enough time to do so, Jasper thought. “Please can you just hold me?” So that’s what Jasper did; he held Monty for all he was worth, not letting go in the dark of night or the light of day, and just relishing the feel of him under his fingertips. It’s all the memory of him he would have left, soon enough.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!
> 
> Please click the kudos button and tell me what you thought in the comments - because I'm personally dying over this. Thanks.


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